Roadblocks

Welp, today was another roadblock, no not physical pain, but emotional this time. It is so hard to know/feel your emotions are real after a TBI. I feel I get emotional all the time, even with medication. The things that calm meant help me cope are not available as my physical pain is roadblocking me from doing that as well. I feel like I am stuck in a vortex of my feelings just sinking to the bottom. Sometimes I can grab on to a stationary object and hold on for dear life and ride out the storm. Other days I feel like I am the storm and I just blow around and watch everyone duck and cover. Both are equally exhausting and defeating.

I wonder if this is common? I do not like reading online. I guess according to all these sites out there I should have been dead, so that really does not tell me much other than to be grateful to be alive.

Which I am. I really am. 

Sometimes I hear from people that know me well, I don’t know how you made it this far?The truth this, I don’t even know. One foot in front of the other. You trip and fall on your face, brush yourself off,  clean your face, spit the dirt out and try again. I am laying on the floor this time with a mouth full of dirt and wondering if its worth getting up again… is it?

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